Blindfold
by Kitty in the Box
Summary: Nowaki suggests a naughty little activity with his beloved Hiro-san. This prompts Hiroki in a state of panic. How will he explain to Nowaki why he has to deny him this without risking the truth about his past with Akihiko and confessing why blindfolds bring out painful memories for Hiroki? How will Nowaki take all this? Is this the end for our beloved couple?


Disclaimer: I do not own Junjou Romantica nor make any profit from it. It has been YEARS since I've written any fanfic and this is my FIRST fanfic written for the series.

"Hey, I thought we'd try something different today." Nowaki hugged Hiroki from behind and rested his chin on his shoulder making the shorter man wince. Hiroki was barely trying to concentrate on his reading when his giant of a lover decided to use him as a teddy bear.

"Whatever it is you're thinking, the answer is no and I'm not interested, and I would like to be left in peace while I read." Nowaki merely smiled at the grumpy reply of his beloved and instead of letting Hiroki go, he pulled him even closer to his chest and began to nibble at his ear earning a gasp and a moan from his already annoyed but very sensitive lover. "Will you quit it, Nowaki? You don't see me bothering you when you're reading, do you?" But Nowaki merely paused nibbling his lover's ear and proceeded to lick his neck and making playful toothless bites. Hiroki completely lost his focus and his brain desperately trying to fight the erotic sensations Nowaki was giving him. Damn brat. Damn, damn, annoying brat. Never listening to me. Oh, god that tongue.

His eyes were now closed as he strongly gripped the sides of the coach until his knuckles turned white. His book has fallen on the carpet completely forgotten. His heart was beating a million times a minute as Nowaki continued his playful assault on his neck which has now been creeping painfully slow to his shoulder.

"Nowaki...please..." Hiroki was losing this battle with the way it was going.

"Do you want me to stop, Hiro-san?" Nowaki breathed into his ears making every hair on Hiroki's body stand. His other hand was now gripping Nowaki's thigh very tightly.

"I...don't...know." Hiroki winced at his own hopeless reply. If he really was completely and brutally honest with himself, he wouldn't give up Nowaki's surprise gestures of affection for the world. They quenched his thirst. They kept him warm and safe. They kept him loved and secure. They kept him sane. The assault on his shoulder blade suddenly ceased and Hiroki fluttered his eyes open. Nowaki moved away and stood up.

"Nowaki...what?" Hiroki looked at him dazed and confused at the abrupt pause of his actions. Nowaki smiled at him and offered his hand. Hiroki frowned but took his hand nonetheless and wondered where this was going. He followed Nowaki into their bedroom and was immediately flung onto the bed. "What do you think you're doing, Nowaki? You want to do it right now? It's only 10 in the morning! Didn't you have enough last night?"

"Never, Hiro-san." Nowaki grinned.

"You spoiled brat." Hiroki frowned. His body now supine on the bed. The taller man was now climbing onto the bed. His knees thighs imprisoning Hiroki's legs giving him no room to move any further. He watched Nowaki pull out Hiroki's sleeping eye mask from his back pocket and was about to put it on Hiroki's head when the older man began to struggle.

"What the hell are you doing, Nowaki? Stop it! Get that thing off me!"

"Hiro-san, I just wanted to try something new."

"No! I don't like it. Let's just get this done without anything on my eyes."

Nowaki tried to stifle a laugh as he watched his lover struggle against him. The whole scenario was laughable and it only made him want to pin Hiroki and force the eye mask on him even more.

"This isn't funny, you idiot!" Hiroki was beginning to panic. The stronger he fought, the harder Nowaki laughed. He began to wonder if his Nowaki had a sadistic streak to him underneath all that sleepy smile. But more than ever, he didn't like to be blindfolded, too much bad memories came along with it that he desperately tried to bury and forget.

"Hiro-san, I got the idea from one of the nurses who had a blind patient. This patient was quite chatty and said that the best part about being blind was the sex."

"I don't care! Just get off me. RIGHT. NOW." Hiroki yelled and managed to kick his way out of Nowaki straddling him.

"Ow!" Nowaki massaged his belly where Hiroki kicked him as he slumped forward to the pillows. "That hurts, you know."

"Good. Maybe that should keep you from doing anything stupid." Hiroki moved towards the edge of the bed and folded his arms. Nowaki now recovered from the kick moved towards Hiroki and leaned his head on his shoulder while his arm snaked around Hiroki's waist. "I'm sorry. You look like you really hated doing it with me."

Damn it, this man. Hiroki berated himself. How could he make me feel guilty when he's the one doing something stupid? He gritted his teeth. The frown never leaving his face but he felt his defense weakening by the second as he felt the soft breath from Nowaki. How was he supposed to tell him that being blindfolded brought back memories of Akihito when they pretended to be lovers that fated night? What's worse the whole blindfold sex was Hiroki's idea which made him even more embarassed. He swore he would never do such a thing with anyone anymore. He would not dare go back to that blasted memory again. The stupid, stupid vulnerability. The overwhelming guilt. The painful realization that all his efforts that night would be ultimately go in vain. Not with Nowaki. Especially not his Nowaki. He would never subject him to an act that brought so much pain in his life. How could he explain it to him of all people? How could he make him understand this?

Nowaki exhaled and neatly placed the eye mask on the bed. One look at Hiroki and he knew that his lover was not in the best of moods and seemed like he was mentally arguing with himself. He thought it was better to leave him alone. So much for his experiment and he was looking forward to trying it with him today, it was all he could think about after listening to the nurse that day. He gently kissed the Hiroki's temple and stood up from the bed and headed for the door.

"Nowaki..." Hiroki's eyes still remained on the carpetted floor.

"Hiro-san, it's all right. I'm sorry it made you upset. I just wanted to have a little bit of fun and try something new with you." Nowaki shrugged and quietly left him alone in the bedroom. As he padded into the living room couch, he felt a strong tug at the back of his shirt which made him turn around to see Hiroki still frowning and trying to divert his eyes.

"What's wrong, Hiro-san?" He gently lifted his chin to face him. Nowaki's eyes widened when he saw the look of anguish in Hiroki's face. "Hey, I'm really sorry for what I did. I didn't mean anything bad about it. I thought it would be a little kinky but exciting, you know? I never meant..." Nowaki's words were halted when he felt Hiroki suddenly embrace him. He heard him mumble to his chest. "Hiro-san?"

"It's not that at all, idiot." Hiroki mumbled to his shirt.

"Then why are you mad?" Nowaki gently held Hiroki's shoulders as he pried him off his shirt so he could look at his lover better.

"I don't know how to explain it to you without us getting into an argument. I know how you get when you get all worked up about this. But I am telling you now that this does not matter anymore and I just don't want to be reminded of it. I don't care. I just don't want to do this with you of all people." Hiroki could hear himself not making any sense but he was completely at a loss on how to explain himself and somehow calm his younger lover. Sure enough Nowaki was absolutely confused with the sudden rant. Where was this all coming from? How could being blindfolded be all that bad? Surely a lot of couples out there have found this activity to be sensually exciting but why not experiment it even at least once and see how it goes? Of all people, why not him? Was he not worthy enough to be kinky with? Nowaki pursed his lips and sighed. He shouldn't be shocked by any of this really. How many naughty invitations has he made in the past to Hiroki only to be turned down saying it was too corny, too outdated, too crazy, or he was too old to be engaging in such activities anymore.

Hiroki could hear the unmistakeable defeated sigh from Nowaki and he hated it. He absolutely hated it and he knew right there that his lover completely misunderstood the whole situation but how could he blame him? He ranted defensively without making any sense. He watched Nowaki's worried face slowly turn into defeat. His eyes glazing into a look of surrender. This is not how he wanted to spend their rare day off together. Something had to be done and something had to be done fast. He could not bear to look at Nowaki this way. The only way to get out of this mess was to be honest about this and hope against hope that it will somehow help put this situation less awkward and make him understand.

"Nowaki...I have something very important to tell you and I need you to listen. Please don't interrupt me, okay? Just listen. But I also need you to know that whatever has happened that time does not mean anything to me anymore. You didn't do anything wrong, okay? You know how I feel about you, right?"

Nowaki nodded in anticipation. Hiroki guided him to the couch and they sat face to face. Nowaki reached to hold Hiroki's fingers and waited for his lover to talk. Hiroki felt his cheeks burn as he began to confess what happened between him and Akihito that fated night. Blindfolding Akihito and pretend that Hiroki was Takahiro. How utterly starved he was for Akihito's love that he was willing to subject himself to such a pathetic situation knowing full well that he would end up with an even worse heartbreak than he was already enduring.

"I don't want you to ever think that the reason I don't want to do this with you is because of Akihito. It was such a shameful act and I don't want to go through that again and especially not with you of all people. I don't want to remember such a bad memory with you. I just don't want you tainted. I don't want to hurt you."

Nowaki's vision of the room began to shake. He released Hiroki's fingers. He could feel his heart beating so loudly. He swallowed. His jaw clenched and he felt a burn through his nose. Hiroki's head was bowed. His hands fisted on his knees. He was shaking and he saw the drops of tears fall on his knuckles. Nowaki saw how scared Hiroki was in front of him. How was he supposed to react to all this? How was he supposed to digest such a confession? He wasn't expecting this at all. He thought Hiroki was just shy or maybe thought the whole experiment was a complete waste of time. Never in his mind did he fathom that it had anything to do with a past that Hiroki was desperately trying to fight off.

"Can I say something now?" Nowaki broke the awkward silence between them making Hiroki nod. He was still unwilling to look into Nowaki's face out of shame. He was getting so fearful that this whole confession would be the absolute deal breaker in their relationship. He didn't want it to ever end, not like this but he also knew that Nowaki deserved the truth more than anyone else. He had to come out clean and hopefully lay the horrid memory to rest once and for all.

"Thank you."

"Eh?" Hiroki lifted his tear-soaked eyes to look at Nowaki. Did he just thank me? What the hell? But he was feeling the wave of relief flooding him but he tried to shake it off. Thankfulness did not automatically mean that everything was okay, right? It could also mean another way of saying goodbye? Hiroki felt the fear paralyzing his mind again. Nowaki slowly reached for Hiroki's fingers again and rubbed the couple ring on his finger. He lifted Hiroki's hand and kissed his palm which made Hiroki gasp.

"Hiro-san, thank you for loving me enough to tell me all this. Now I understand why you reacted so strongly against my actions earlier. I love you so much. I want to experience everything with you. But am I really enough for you?"

"Nowaki...what are you saying...not enough...you know how I feel about you."

"Am I really enough, Hiro-san?"

"YES." Hiroki even surprised himself with his blatant reply. What the hell was Nowaki thinking? How could he not be enough? He can't possibly be thinking that he wasn't enough after all these years? After all they've been through together? His mind was racing a mile a second at all the possible scenarios that would turn this whole conversation into a disaster. No, not again. Maybe he should have made up a lame excuse and just insisted on being angry the entire time. Maybe if he never confessed then their relationship wouldn't be hanging on a balance right now. The more he thought about it, the more the frustration and anger was rising. He suddenly felt an overwhelming sense of anger towards Akihito. But he knew he had no one to blame but himself. He could stay angry forever but it was he who suggested that they play pretend lovers that night with Akihito. It was his idea. Akihito was a desperate soul longing for Takahiro's love. He could not be blamed. His best friend still came out to be honest even in that muddled situation. He remained loyal to his love for Takahiro while Hiroki was the guilty one who subjected his own best friend to engage in a shameful act only to serve his selfish intentions. But now he was subjecting Nowaki to a heartbreak because he was too proud to make him feel that he was enough. He could not bear to part with him when Nowaki meant the whole world to him. How could he question him? Enough? He was more than enough for him. He felt he didn't deserve such a devoted lover yet here they are on the brink of a question that neither of them were willing to answer.

"Nowaki...I...love you...so very much. I don't want us to break up over something like this. I don't think I can..." The tears threatened to assault his eyes once more. He wondered if Nowaki could even understand what he was trying to say as his voice broke and with his lips shaking so badly. He felt so cold all around him. He pulled his hand away from Nowaki and covered his face. Nowaki was suddenly awakened from his stupor and grabbed Hiroki into his arms making the shorter man wince.

"Hiro-san..NO! Oh god, no. The thought never even occurred to me. I love you. I love you so much. I was just scared that maybe I wasn't enough for you. I want to be enough for you. I will always fight for you. Let me set you free from this memory. Will you let me, Hiro-san? Please?" Hiroki was giving into the heat that radiated all over him as he was encased in Nowaki's powerful arms. His scent was overpowering his senses. His desperate words of affection warming his ears and his heart. His arms slowly circled around Nowaki's waist as he allowed himself to be pulled onto his lap.

"I trust you." Hiroki whispered. His mind was surrendering to the plaintive words from Nowaki. How could he deny him anything? His heart would never allow it. No matter what happened, in the end, he would always choose to be with Nowaki even if everything came to dust. He has given his heart, his mind, his body, and soul to this typhoon of a man. There was no turning back. If Nowaki accepted his past, who was he to deny him his future?

Nowaki nuzzled behind his ear, raking in the scent of Hiroki. He peered into his face and wiped the tears away with his thumbs, and slowly kissed his forehead. Oh, how he loved this man. Not a day goes by that he can ever get enough of him. For awhile there he was truly, truly frightened of the thoughts that pervaded his mind as Hiroki confessed everything that occurred between him and Akihito those years ago. There had been a time that he truly meant to settle being a substitute, any excuse to keep Hiroki close. All his fears came crashing down with the confession. Watching his lover painfully describe each moment of that dreadful event in his life made his heart ache. He vowed he would never ever subject his lover to anything that torturous. They slowly moved off the couch and he took Hiroki's hand and they walked back to the bedroom. Nowaki walked towards the drawer and pulled out one of Hiroki's silk ties. Hiroki gulped as he saw the black neck tie in Nowaki's hand and it made him nervous. At this point he wasn't sure what was going to happen and he didn't trust himself what to do either. He was leaving all that to Nowaki. He watched Nowaki peel off his shirt and climbed on the bed and nestled himself on the pillow. Hiroki bit his lower lip as he felt a bit of saliva escape his lips. He always marveled at his lover's body, how warm it made him feel just by looking at it.

"Hiro-san, blindfold me." Nowaki smiled at him as he handed the necktie to Hiroki who looked at him incredulously. He could feel his lover's fingers shake as he took the tie from him. He pulled him down for a long lingering kiss to hopefully calm his nerves. He was just as scared, everything could go wrong at any moment but they had to do this together if they wanted their relationship to progress. The only way to handle fear after all was to face it. As their lips parted, Hiroki's reserve was beginning to crumble yet again.

"Nowaki...I don't think I can..." He bit his lip as he carressed his face. Nowaki responded and touched his face making Hiroki lean onto his touch.

"I love you, Hiro-san." Nowaki's voice was comfort to Hiroki's heart, imploring him further. The paralyzing memory was slowly ebbing away as he felt him gently run his fingers through his hair and pull him to a strong possessive kiss. He felt any shred of fight in him was leaving his thoughts quickly and simply surrendered to the wonderful man underneath him. He cradled Nowaki's head and began to blindfold him. He felt his cheeks burn hearing Nowaki's words. It was his name being called in ecstasy at this very moment. His name. The one name that no one in the whole wide world had the right to call him except this man, this one man alone. The love of his life. His Nowaki.


End file.
